I'm tired. I hate to complain because its
not like, I am dealing with the woes of a pregnant body, or the sleepless nights of having a new baby, or death, or any major or minor health problems. But, its been a long week or few weeks. These warmer and sunny days are teasing me. I feel like I am having bad hair days too often. I haven't been to the gym in 2 weeks, which makes me so mad at myself. The beginning of the week was hard. Lately, I haven't been in the mood to be with my kids. They bicker a lot and antagonize each other relentlessly. Individually they are great, but together so hard. There are fun things I have wanted to do with them, like a craft or what not (I'm not really a down on the ground and wrestle type of mom), but I find I have "too many" other things to do, like clean, or file the taxes, or wasting time on facebook and finding crafty personally inspiring blogs to follow with fun ideas-not so proud of that. Which is so unfair to them. There is a thought I saved once, and it was something like don't sleep away the hours when you could be spending time with your kids. I am doing that all too often. Although, I think following blogs of my friend Ashley Haws, and people like Stephanie Nielsen help be more encouraged to appreciate the call of motherhood and to embrace all its ups and downs, they help me to be better than I otherwise would be-Thank you to them both.
Since Jon now works in Park City he gets home at 7p. He leaves the house just after 7a each day. Since I am a slave to getting at least 9 hrs of sleep a night (for me to be in a generally good mood) I don't see him in the morning. Zac often wakes up when he hears the garage door close after Jon pulls out. This is WAY to early for me to have Zac be up. He also needs more sleep because he is so moody during the day. (I think his reflux may be acting up again, if our insurance was arranged we could go figure that out, even though the co-pays almost doubled). At any sign that he won't get what he want when he wants it he'll start to melt down. I don't get it. I don't think he is spoiled. We try to make a point to not let that happen. I would have thought he'd be used it by now. Anyway, since the boys and Jon need their time together the boys don't go to bed as early as they should, to be happy the next day. This makes my days harder and longer since Jon doesn't get home til 7p. I know that there are other mom's whose husbands travel and are gone days at a time so I shouldn't complain. But this is hard for me and its hard for Jon to not have as much family time. We are both so tired in the evening. The time we do have isn't very quality either. But the job is great. Jon loves it! He loves the work and the people and there is so much opportunity. Its an exciting time.
Over the last few weeks we have been contemplating how to get closer to Park City. And there is a lot of decision making to happen. Its exhausting. We aren't there yet. As I was writing this I totally went off on a LONG tangent about all the things to consider for this topic. I took it out of this post because I wasn't sure me or any readers (if there are any) were ready for all that. :)
I've been trying to do better at making dinner. My friends Callie and Jessie started a
blog about the meals they make and their menus and it is helped me be more meal minded. And this week I've been better, but cooking is tiring too. So in my attempt to make dinner and eat as a family (after 7p), I missed Enrichment. I have mixed feelings about that. It was nice to see my dinner through and enjoy it and be with my family. But I also love being a part of the women in the ward.
Then on Wednesday, Max had a development class in the morning, and I went to help my mom "clean sweep" her house. The cleaning has been going good. Its been about a month now. We do one day a week. It has been nice to spend time with my mom and get to know her better and build a better relationship. Even though we are doing chores, its an enjoyable time. And I also love that my Dad plays with and entertains the boys-thanks Dad! Its so fun to see them talk, see their relationships grow, and watch my Dad teach Zac about ice fishing. It also helps me feel good to have accomplished an organizing/cleaning feat. We have been making good progress, but it seems like stuff keeps coming up to make the time we have shorter. We need to do better on that.
Then on Thursday, Max had "surgery" again. I use quotes because he was probably only put under for 10 mins, and it was very minor, and they (the dr, the facility, the anesthesiologist) were kind enough to do it for FREE! Yes, I said FREE!! What an amazing blessing!! One of Max's tubes came out early so they replaced it. Good thing too, because his ear drum was sticking to the ear canal, but hadn't adhered yet. So it all went well and he recovered very quickly. My mom took Zac over night and during the day so I would have to worry about him and getting him to preschool and helping Max too.
Today I just took it easy, and tried to put the moving/housing situation out of my mind. I needed to get our vacuum fixed so I took it to the shop, and since I was feeling ugly this morning I went to the mall and bought 2 new colors of eye shadow. I let the boys run around the mall. We shared lunch at a pizza place in the food court. Then we walked around some more. Zac said he wasn't ready to go, and we walked by the movie theater. I thought, a movie would kill some time and it would be fun. Luckily, there was a movie the boys would want to see "Chipmunks 2" or whatever its called. The boys, Zac especially loves the first one, and whenever going to Aunt Rachel's wants to watch it (well, before they got a Wii that is). The boys were excited and I was that they were and the movie was dumb, but I didn't care. It was a different fun thing to do. Max gets bored during the last third of movies so I got some candy to get him through. The 2 mins before the climax of the movie Zac starts to cough while eating some junior mints. Its a choking kind of cough. I hit him on the back a few times, but nothing. So I grabbed him, leaving Max there (there were only like 10 people in the theater) and heading downstairs to the lighted area by the back door. After I got down the stairs I held him more like the heimlich position and tried to bounce him a bit. In theory I know how to do it , but I never have before. He was still coughing by the time I got to the door. (I know coughing is good, but it was scary.) As I opened the door (to perhaps find someone else who could effectively do the heimlich), Zac said, "Mom, you're hurting me". Relief flooded over me. He was till coughing some, but I could see he was ok. I started to cry with relief. I didn't realize how scared I was until then. (I should add a whole thought process of how this changed my perspective on how I felt about Zac, since lately he has been so crabby, its hard to like being around him. It reminded me that he is also my little one and how much I love him and want to be a better mom. I have learned that I can greatly influence how my child acts. I need to be the mature one, the bigger person, and understand he's just a kid, and know when to let things slide. I don't want to make this already extremely long post longer.) Then he gagged, and I went to get him a cup for water, but the concession's people were too distracted to help me and I had no money on me so I
stole a water cup when they were turned around. I could feel the eyes of the people in line watch me do that-yuck. He was just fine after some water.
Anyway, I also cleaned out the fridge, vacuumed the floors with the loaner vac, caught up on blogs and found some new ones, and made dinner again tonight. Sweet and Sour Chicken, great recipe, thanks to Amanda! Now Jon is watching one of our 4 channels. So I really should go. But I felt the need to get all this out. Not sure why. I generally don't like to be this personal and vulnerable on my blog. And a note about me: I like to be busy. No, I
need to be busy (thank you Aunt Kristi for this realization). Yes, busy can be stressful, but I prefer that to the depression of staying at home with nothing to do but focus on my worries. And I also wanted to apologize for being unavailable to the handful of people I've been meaning to serve and be in contact with. I hope all is well.
-Me